DOST THOU?

Helloooo Biggeth Spamlords, Már’s here to ease the pain of existence.

How do we convey what we truly feel? How do we unveil what lurks inside our throbbing blood bags?

The answer is obvious: an online medieval tapestry generator.

Behold, Historic Tale Construction Kit — Bayeux!

Embroider me like one of your French girls

Based on the famous Bayeux Tapestry, the tool allows you to make your own digital tapestry, depicting your story.

I can hear you gasp with amazement, but also ask: “Ok, this is a neat tool, but why is it so important for fEeLiNgS?”

Let me inform you, serf.

Writer’s block, despair, bullshit, and then preaching to the masses

In the past year, we’ve gotten all too familiar with the communicative limitations of Zoom, Slack, and the like. Whether it’s choppy video, or the blunt written word, all I know is there must be another way. A better way.

And there is. A digital tapestry.

A tapestry tells a story, rife with emotion and packed with layers of meaning — and the tool allows you to create one without any artistic skills.

Let’s workshop this. You call in sick. Your boss gives off a weird vibe. Simply send them one of these bad boys:

The beauty is that the tapestry hides and displays your nagging self-doubt. It taps into your need for approval, presenting it through the conduit of embroidery and dudes holding… a bunch of hoses?

It’s the perfect communication tool. Check out this real-life example:

Look at Callum’s remark. Is it hostile? Aloof? Befuddled? Impossible to know.

But my reply? That drips with meaning and emotion.

Not only does it convey the deference I have for my colleagues — peasants in awe of an angelic messenger — it’s also more detailed, reaffirming the noon-time call in a sunny and cheerful manner. There are also birds in the corner.

No one is in doubt of my meaning or feelings, it’s a perfect example of communication.

Do you want to thrive this workweek? Then you better get cracking on your tapestries.

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Cyborg monkeys, AI sadomasochism, and terrified aliens.

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👽 If you're an alien (Big Spam's got amazing reach) then you should be terrified of NASA's new space telescope.

🚲 Every morning, you ask yourself "hub motor or mid-drive, which is the right ebike for me?" We've got the answer.

🌍 Now for the deep geo-political questions you've come to expect in Big Spam: Should countries ever respond to cyberattacks with physical force?

🐵 This cyborg monkey can play Pong with its mind. Neat.

🍬 A gift for you.

Tweet of the day

We'll leave you with this...

Love you, mean it,

TNW Editorial

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